Dare To Think It
by Inanimate Obsessor
Summary: "Edgar was a bit disturbed at how satisfied he was over this turn of events. Disturbed?" Round 3 is up. Nedgar? PepSquee? .:heavy use of hallucinogens, light slash:.
1. Open Eye Hallucinations

FYI_: This story is not in chronological order, thank you. _

Johnny and Edgar

* * *

_Ring_ . . . _Ring_ . . . _Riing_—

"Think of it this way! I'm eliminating you from the superficial equation of society. It's all really very- uh . . ." Johnny paused, his hand poised on the lever labeled:**Danger High Voltage**; about to end the delicate human life attached to it. But, he turned his head toward the nearby staircase instead.

_Ring_ . . . _Ring_

Edgar. He sighed.

"Would you please excuse me? If I don't pick up the phone, he'll just keep calling and the ringing is irritating."

His captive nodded wildly, the electrodes jammed into his gums swinging back and forth. Johnny hadn't waited for a reply though. He walked up the stairs following the sound of the phone; the hallway led him to a room with a single couch, a simple black phone balanced on the arm. He couldn't remember ever visiting this room before, but that didn't exactly surprise him. The phone continued ringing as he stood over it, and he knew it would keep ringing until he answered it. Edgar, he knew, was in a persistent mood.

"Edgar," he sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don't think that I can take it/Cause it took so long to bake it" Edgar sang soulfully out of key.

He crossed his legs trying to get comfortable. This would take awhile and Edgar was a horrible singer. Johnny hoped he wouldn't hold the last note.

"And I'll never have that recipe again/Oh no!" His voice cracked.

Johnny winced. "Are you done?" There was a heavy silence on the other line.

And then a barely audible, "Hi, Nny. I-I wanted to speak to you."

Johnny could envision Edgar sitting in his living room, pupils dilated, his normally poor vision worsened by the absence of his glasses and plagued by vivid open eye hallucinations.

"Saw them again . . ."

The kids, he always saw those kids.

"They ate ice cream on some steps and I thought of Barney."

Johnny could hear Edgar mumbling quietly to himself, "Oh, forgive me sir, Earthlings tend to be clumsy. It's just that aardvark keeps stepping on my foot, and, yes, yes, i-it keeps freezing over. . . wait . . . don't . . ."

Acid, Johnny concluded.

"Took a lot, maybe even too much . . . No, no, yes I'm sure I took a lot. Mmhmm . . ." Edgar's voice went from normal to high pitched as he spoke, Johnny smirked.

"Yeah, yes I saw them. I see everything but, I also saw them. I saw them before I see everything. Since **everything** and **them** are two difffffferent things. Umm, if I'm talking to much just tell me to shhh . . ."

"Okay. How much did you take Edgar?"

"A lot, coulda been too much. Mighta been too much."

Johnny's eyes shifted around the room. He wasn't worried or anything but if Edgar said he took a lot that meant that a normal person would probably have either killed themselves already or would be high for the rest of their life. For as long as he'd known Edgar and for all the drugs he had seen him ingest, never once had he overdosed. It didn't seem to matter how much he took, of course he would get cramps and headaches, insomnia and withdrawal. But, never a seizure, never a trip to the hospital, never a **fatal** leap out a window.

"Nny, I took too much, too much. I want to be done now, I'm tired. How long have I been going, mmm . . . the clock says, half past forever and a quarter till four seconds. I'm not having fun anymore, I took too much. I think I'm gonna die, I am gonna die, oh no, I'm gonna die."

"Edgar, you never die, so stop freaking out." There wasn't a lot he could say to talk Edgar down. Besides, when he got to this point he would normally start coming down.

"No, this time it's different. Thi-this time I'm gonna die. Nny, Nny I am going to die!"

Johnny laughed derisively. "I've tried killing you Edgar. You don't die." That probably wasn't the best thing to say, but oh well. "You took the acid for those kids right. You took it cause you wanted to see them. I know you already did but, try thinking about them again."

Silenced stretched like an elastic waistband.

"Edgar?"

"Shh. They're sitting."

Johnny always got a little jealous when Edgar would talk about those kids; he couldn't help it. It sounded cool to be able to control something in your life. Yes, they were figments of Edgar's imagination but, Johnny had those too and he couldn't control them. Shit, he couldn't even control himself.

"Watching T.V. in the dark, how boring. Hey, hey, Johnny did I tell you that, haha wh-when the horned one gets ice cream i-it melts before he can even get it to his mouth. D-Did I tell you that?" Edgar was giggling to himself quietly like he was trying not to be heard. Johnny couldn't help but laugh with him. "Bleh, just like that. J-just turns to ice creamy soup. Souup!"

"Really, everytime?"

"They should play video games or something. Aren't they bored, they look tense. Its do dark in that room is it night time already? What are they watching anyway, it can't be that interesting? The one with the horns isn't even paying attention to it. He's just staring at the little one. How can he not notice that, when someone is staring at you that hard you notice? I'll make him notice." Edgar rambled on.

Johnny listened trying to picture the situation in his head.

"Hee hee, he looked all bashful when he saw him. Wow, that's kinda gay. I'm getting tired and itchy. Johnny! Look, look, watch this!"

Quiet, and then Edgar burst out laughing.

"Did you see that, did you see that? Haha!"

"What? What, happened?" He had gotten a little excited.

"I made the little one get up and run out the door screaming. He thinks he's bein' chased by rabid dogs but, there's no dogs . . . I'm funny."

"Ooh! What's the other one doing?"

"He disappeeeeeeeeeeeeared! Where did he go? Where did the room go? Oh, oh crap, where did my high go?"

"Hmm?"

"No, no. Nooooo! No, no, no. Aguhh! The pain!"

There was a startling, clatter as the phone was most likely dropped. Cramps, Johnny assumed. That was the one thing Edgar couldn't manage to avoid, horrible, painful, muscle tearing, cramps. And the more he took the worse they were.

"Ouch! Oh . . . mmmhgh . . ." Edgar diwindled off.

Johnny could hear him still faintly groaning and shifting around on the floor next to the phone. He briefly and as covertly as possible, considered the idea of visiting Edgar. Just to make sure he hadn't fallen weird on his arm or something, he wasn't worried or anything.

"You should go make sure he's okay."

Surprised, Nny looked around for the source of the voice. "Nailbunny?"

"You should go see." The tiny rabbit head floated out from behind Nny.

Nny, looked at the phone that was still in his hand. "He's usually, okay though."

"Usually." Nailbunny, emphasized.

"Don't listen to the bunny carrion, Johnny. Remember that guy is still hooked up down stairs. You know the one that called you bulimic." Mr. Eff's voice drifted out from a darkened corner of the room.

"It doesn't matter anyway. The druggie is wretched, he will only cause you pain. You can't have anyone else hurting you, it's better just to end it." Psycho Doughboy's voice followed.

"You know not to listen to them, Nny."

Nny turned his attention back to the floating rabbit head. The sound of Edgar's pain filled cries reaching his ears again.

"Shut up, you dead verminy thing."

"Listen I'm your friend, Nny. Ignore the acid head."

"I'm leaving." Johnny didn't bother hanging up the phone. He left the room ignoring reproachful comments from the doughboys. Johnny wasn't worried as he headed to Edgar's house; he was just going to check.

* * *

Author's Note: Ok, I know this makes no sense. BUT! Blah blah blah blah crazy blah Johnny OOC blah response to flame blah blah explanation blah blah void promise to make it make sense blah blah blah.

This note was full of my crazy, I have censored the crazy. The crazy was pointless and therefore not worth your time. Hopefully you enjoyed this crack enough to venture onward. Let me know if you liked it.


	2. Bastard Child of Alcohol

FYI_: This story is not in chronological order, thank you. _

Edgar and Johnny

* * *

White.

That was the first thing he saw, the only thing he saw, through his sleep encrusted eyes. Why the hell was it so bright? A faint groan from across the room, seemed to acquiesce his petulant thought. His eyelids attempted to creak open a few more millimeters, in order to find some sort of remedy to the brightness. Unfortunately he was only met with even more damnable light, he closed his eyes resolutely. He tried to lift his head to reorient himself. Cue, god-forsaken-skull-crushing headache, he put his head back down.

"Fu... k" the muffled curse warbled into Edgar's ears.

Edgar opened his mouth in order to call out to the person he assumed he was sharing the space with but, all he succeeded at was a very intelligent, "ghh-".

"-Hhedghar..?" Well he was obviously in worse shape than Johnny, considering Edgar was out on three faculties so far. At least Johnny was still managing speech. Edgar slowly worked his arm up enough to let it hover over his body in nonverbal signal to his confused companion. He didn't quite feel it when it smacked back onto the floor the next second, he hoped Johnny had seen it.

This was certainly a horrible feeling.

Of course Edgar was used to the numbness of body that came with the copious amounts of drugs he ingested daily. The splitting headache though and the abhorrence of light? They were so remarkably vehement he wondered what the hell he had done to wake up in such a state. He groaned it hurt to think. With that muffled sound came the fetid smell of his breath... which smelled suspiciously like alcohol...

What the hell!

This prompted Edgar to sit up quickly. Regret came just a swiftly when he felt the distinctly alcoholic taste of bile rising in his throat. He lurched to the side hoping he wouldn't get too much vomit on himself, or Johnny. Yes, that was definitely alcohol he smelled. He wished he couldn't smell.

"Pain." He heard that distinctly from his left, pretty far away he surmised. He turned in the direction of the voice slowly, wishing he had something other than his shirt to wipe his mouth on. His eyes slid open, the room was considerably less bright from this angle. Consequently it was that much harder to see, especially since he sensed he wasn't wearing his glasses. He felt around for his voice this time before he opened his mouth.

"Hangover?" He heard himself say huskily, his confusion poured into every syllable of the word. Edgar could be called many things druggie, pothead, acid head, shroomer, tripper, and plenty of other variation of the same but, there were a few things he just didn't do. Namely: pharmaceuticals, crack, heroine, and most importantly, alcohol. Why? Because, regret is the bastard child of alcohol.

"Edgar, what the fuck did you do to me?" He tried to focus in on the Johnny shaped blur across the room. It made his head swim dangerously, he closed his eye to steady himself.

"I'm sure I feel just as horrible." The words scraped out of his throat like a rake on concrete. His throat felt like he'd been screaming all night, or drinking gravel, either way. Hands spread out, he cautiously slid them in Johnny's direction. When he found no immediately apparent obstructions to his path, he used what little strength he could muster to pull himself across the room. He firmly ignored the questionable sticky patches his hands settled on and congratulated himself on getting away from the smell of vomit.

"Ugh, why can't I see?" He could hear Johnny's voice much clearer now. "W-what happened?"

Edgar was tempted to smile at the sound of his voice. It wasn't often the younger man managed without all his thorns. He crawled a few inches closer, "I think- well I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from a hangover."

"Alcohol?" He said it as though he didn't understand the meaning of the word.

"Usually." Edgar finally reached the spot adjacent to where Johnny was propped up against the crusting wall. His stomach swam with nausea as he turned himself over to sit up next to his friend.

"You don't drink... I'm wearing your glasses." "Why", was on the tip of Edgar's tongue but he decided against opening his mouth, and if he didn't know why, Johnny probably wouldn't either. He heard them clatter to the floor next to him. He spared picking them up from where they had been carelessly dropped in order to fish a blunt from out of his pocket. Finding his lighter as well he went about the process of toking as he slipped his glasses back on his face.

"Hangover? Alcohol is revolting."

"I can definitely smell alcohol, and I feel like I've been hit over the head several times with a brick." His nausea was ebbing away thankfully. Edgar looked around Johnny's dank "living room" he didn't see any empty bottles. Just the ratty couch, the TV, his vomit, and the staircase leading down. What had happened to them last night? He remember coming over on a whim after a trip to the gas station for snacks. He remembered Johnny opening the door a crack and refusing to let him in until, he offered said snacks. He remembered Johnny chastising him for his dislike of Brain Freezys. He remembered-

"Edgar!" Edgar was jolted out of his smoky flashback by Johnny's horrified screech.

"Huh?" Johnny was quickly turning pistachio green pointing a shaky finger down at him. "What's wrong?"

"Y-y-your, oh I'm gonna-" Johnny retched turning away from Edgar. Edgar looked around and then down at himself... oh. His penis laid flaccidly outside the confines of his pants and underwear. How did that get out, and why didn't he notice it until now?

"How-?" He turned back just in time to see Johnny struggling to stand up his bare ass hovering around like an errant moon. It seemed to have just dawned on his friend and he was desperately trying to right his worn jeans. He succeeded in covering himself but, couldn't seem to hold himself upright and stumbled back against the wall.

"Fuck! My spine!" He clutched his lower back desperately, slowly curling into a ball.

Now Edgar, was an intelligent man. Despite his constant haze of pot smoke and hallucinogens, despite Johnny's declarations of the contrary, Edgar was in possession of an agile mind. So it wasn't difficult for him to put two and two together, the answer could only be four.

"I think we had sex." The thing Edgar wasn't in possession of was delicacy.

Silence settled in like a hungry tick. Deep and seemingly permanent, until Johnny broke it.

"That can't happen though..."

Edgar considered this for a moment before asking, "Is your ass sore?"

"...I hate you, so much."

* * *

Author's note: Alright, I ranted quite insanely at the end of my first chapter and for some reason I promised for this to make some kind of sense eventually... Well, it probably won't. So yeah, that's gone out the window. There is a storyline underneath all this crack but, I'm not going to force feed it to you, the reader. If you like this that's cool, if you don't feel free to flame me. I'm going to keep on enjoying the hell out of writing this regardless. Anyway, let me know if you liked it.


	3. Hang Man

Hang Man - Edgar and Johnny

* * *

Edgar let out a deep breath. His fingertips tingled.

A bird chirped overhead.

His adrenaline looked at it's watch, put down it's morning paper, and headed out the door to it's vascular commute. His heart rate increased with a steadiness that was derived from vigorous exercise, and long time familiarity. His muscles tensed, warmed and vibrated quietly.

A bird chirped overhead.

Rainbow kaleidoscopes swirled fluidly in the dark, laughing faces exploded into multicolored flowers.

Invisible women in fluttering dresses skipped and lept across rivers of diamonds. The rivers led to seas of glittering silver dust that slipped and slid. His body pulsed to the rhythm of beating drums accompanied by the shrill cries of something ancient and primal. Someone erased his Etch-I-Sketch and set it on fire. The flames were slow, purple and soaked him with the taste of skin and blue pen ink.

A bird chirped overhead.

He ope-. He opene-. He opened his eyes. He was drifting in the green lawn on a small stone circle. The waves of grass that passed pitched him backward and forward, but he managed to stay balanced. Massive gray monsters rose up along the horizon of his grass sea. The sunlight glinted off the windows of their eyes as they slowly surveyed their surroundings. The group of giants meandered aimlessly, occasionally waving at each other and Edgar. Edgar wondered if they knew him and he wanted to wave back but, couldn't feel his arms. They didn't seem to get offended.

A bird chirped overhead.

Viscous red orbs wobbled into his peripheral vision, they multiplied and expanded around him. They drew together after an eternity of existing apart, into one large shining red pillar. He leaned out toward the pillar, resting his hot damp face on it's liquid surface. He sighed, and surrendered when the waves of grass knocked him off his little stone raft. He hit the grass with less splash than he expected, and was delighted that the experience was akin to being swallowed.

Overhead a bird chirped.

Under the surface of the grass he could still see the tangerine and lemon sky. His legs tread mightily against the earthen currents to keep his head in the blue oxygen and among the tickling blades of grass. He could feel the earthworms sliding against his skin as his frantic movements disturbed them out of their soil homes. He could hear the beginnings of an ant hill a few yards away. The workers six legs pounded furiously as they dug their new home in the dry dirt, he could hear the crunch of their mandibles around each grain of sand as they daintily constructed their soon to be nursery. Edgar wondered desperately if each ant had a name, they just _had_ to. He thought about how terrible it would if they were all named John, even ants were individuals. They couldn't all be named John. The loss of such a fundamental piece of uniqueness, crushed Edgar. Into the soil.

Overhead a bird, named Sylvia, chirped.

He sank, the citrus sky only a distance fresh scented rind above him. The loose soft soil was quickly turning into stiff rocky crust, and as he fell deeper warmth began crawling up his legs. It was black all around him now, his senses the only thing reminding him he was rocketing toward the center of the earth. He wondered how long it would take him to reach the molten mantle. He dizzied at how fast he was sinking, his skin felt raw, dirt coated his tongue, his nostrils were nearly fused shut and his body was growing ever hotter. A niggling sense of trepidation threatened to interfere with his journey, and he concluded that he wasn't alright with the being incinerated in the Earth's hungry belly.

Oveeheed a biid chiipee.

With what he assumed sounded like an animalistic war cry, he propelled himself into a library. He sat, perched on top of a high bookshelf, enraptured by all the little cherubs hovering around the shelves beneath him. Sparkles showered off of them, like dandruff as they milled and talked, picking up books, putting them back, relaxing on the grass carpet. Some sat at the sides of large beetles, books spread across the bugs iridescent backs; studying. Edgar picked out two who weren't obese, winged babies and glided over to the bug they sat at. The beetle made and irritated skittering noise as Edgar lowered himself to the center of it's back, bending it's bug knees slightly to compensate. Edgar was to engrossed in his new discovery to be bothered with politeness. Before him sat, _those_ kids.

Overheard a nerd burp.

As always they sat together, innocently quiet. Sending each other shy, furtive glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. They seemed, to be doing some kind of book work, maybe they were doing school work. Were they in school? Edgar hadn't known they were in school. They looked to old for high school but, they were still kids, usually kids go to school. He wondered if they had met at school. He leaned in between them trying to get a better look at what they were doing. Their books were strewn in flower petals, Edgar was unfamiliar with how to read flower petal so he leaned back and away, no longer interested in their work. He instead focused on the interaction between the two. Their body language sang with attraction, which created a tension so thick, Edgar wore it like an unctuous fur coat. He wondered why they restrained themselves all the time. If they both liked each other what would be the harm in a lusty dry hump in the library bathroom. Especially considering their blatant flirtation, and the fervent insidious expressions that passed over the horned ones face when his dark haired friend wasn't looking his way. Edgar couldn't understand it, he petted his tension coat in frustration. If he was in their position, he would not have even thought twice about giving into his feelings. In his opinion they were lucky. A lot of people, would have probably given a lot, to be in a situation where there was no fear of rejection. No, Edgar was positive that anyone would give anything to be in their situation.

Un oiseau gazouillaient dessus de la tête.

The cherubs floating and frolicking around him halted suddenly, glanced around shiftily, and quickly hid or flew off. The grass carpet browned and died, the shelves grew decrepit and the books fell off like giant hale stones crunching as they landed on the dry ground. Edgar took no notice but, continued to observe the equally unaffected couple as they continued to flirt nonverbally and pretend to do their work. Edgar was growing more irritated by the second, he liked these kids, and usually he was just happy to watch them interact normally. They were inordinately polite friends, preferring to sit quietly in each others company than romp around or cause trouble. Because of that he enjoyed occasionally playing pranks on them, but most of the time he didn't interfere. It pissed him off now, here they were this great opportunity for them just inches away and they acted like they were blind. Did they realize what they were passing up? The chance to be happy with someone who, at the very least, reciprocated their feelings. The beetle underneath Edgar let out a strange gasp and died, it's small bug legs crinkling and causing it to drop a few inches to the ground. He wished he could make them see. He wished he could make them realize. He wi- He jus- He had to do something.

The bird overhead said, "Vous l'appellerez Hezeus."

The room was shaking now, shelves where toppling over, Edgar's heart was no longer beating but vibrating obscenely in his chest. He panted in great heaving gasps struggling to breath, and his vision smeared everything into an unrecognizable motley of colors and shapes. He clenched his jaw and ground his teeth, his brows furrowed, his hands locked into fists. Everything was fast, so much faster than he was accustomed to. Edgar saw black at the edges of his hazy vision. It crept and dissolved everything until there was only two familiar outlines. Edgar felt something being pulled away from him but, couldn't begin to discern what it could have been, but it cooled his sweating body. The small relief jolted him. Abruptly his vision cleared, and the horned one lurched over his edge of the table grabbed the brunettes face in his hands and stopped.

Overhead a bird sat.

Edgar looked on surprised. The one being held captive made an embarrassing shocked sound and instantly turned pink. His captor had an equally shocked expression but did not let go. Rather, Edgar observed as their astonishment turned into wonder, and their wonder turned into longing, and soon enough they were lip-locked over their abandoned homework. Edgar was a bit disturbed at how satisfied he was over this turn of events. Disturbed? Edgar's vision was blurring again and the kids were getting farther and farther away with each passing second.

"Edgar?"

His eyes popped open, and he met a set of blood shot eyes, surrounded by dark pitted circles and stringy black hair. He smiled lazily.

"Nny..." His voice rasped out of his chest. He looked around a little disoriented. Johnny stood up straight and towered over him. He figured he was sitting on the ground, and the rough press against his back must have been a tree. He looked up at his friend who was offering him what vaguely looked like his glasses.

"Here, they fell off... So, can you get up?" Johnny's expression was simultaneously bored and petulant, Edgar was tempted to broaden his smile. He wondered what he had done this time. It was nearly dark the sunset painted everything purple and orange, and he had started early that morning; anything could have happened in that amount of time. He seemed to have some how gotten all the way to Johnny's area since that morning. Edgar could never figure out how he managed it. He put his glasses on and noticed with a shiver that he wasn't wearing his shirt. He wasn't the least bit surprised.

"Maybe." Edgar answered, and tested his legs. They were obviously bruised and were beginning to noticeably stiffen but, he gauged he'd be able to walk a little. He stood slowly using the tree to pull himself up. His ankle decided, no, on second thought, it was in no way prepared for weight support and Edgar nearly fell face first back to the ground. His knees and arms stopped his eminent dirt eating but, his legs screamed in agony at taking the full force of his fall and his arms wobbled and quickly went limp. He ended up with his forehead kissing the ground and his elbows scraping against small rocks.

Johnny snickered, "I guess that's a no."

Edgar chuckled, he was sure he looked absolutely ridiculous. The small movement sent spikes of pain through him though, and he slowly collapsed onto his side on the ground. His breath sent up little clouds of dirt with each gasp. Yeah, he was going to be in a lot more pain in a few minutes, cramps would set in soon enough. He looked up at his thin friend, silently asking for assistance, Johnny's response was that he was already halfway across the street toward his house. Edgar sighed, but took it in stride. He tried to reach into his pants for a blunt but, his arms were already well on their way to being useless. Edgar watched Nny slam his door shut with finalit. He was going to be in for a long painful night, he supposed this was his downside to tripping outside. Though usually he didn't end up in situations like this, he chalked it up to his particularly intense trip.

He groaned, his shoulders bunching and his legs tensing. Where the hell had his shirt gone anyway? He rolled onto his back wincing as a rock dug in underneath his rib. His eyes swam still with lingering hallucinations as he stared up into the branches of the tree. Combined with the darkening sky all manner of shapes melted out of the shifting leaves. His eyes caught on something blue and flowing for a long time, before he realized what it was.

"Oh, there it is."

The familiar sound of boots startled him out of his reverie. A thin leg entered his peripheral vision.

"You were hanging from that tree, choking." Nny's voice prickled it's way into the air. He wanted to turn toward it but, his neck was seized up. "If you weren't you, you probably would have died. But..." Johnny sighed dramatically.

Edgar's arms were unceremoniously kicked up along the rocky ground, and Johnny bent in front of him to whip wide leather straps up around his shoulders. He lifted his arms with the cold steel toe of his boot to secure them and stood up again.

"Fuck, you're annoying." Johnny disappeared behind him again, picked up the straps and proceeded to drag him painfully across dirt, gravel, concrete, asphalt, two curbs, two stairs and through his front door. Then proceeded to quickly and angrily flip him over using the straps. Edgar huffed against the filthy floor, his glasses creaking against the floor panels. His eyes clenched tight against the pain; he didn't see Johnny conjure a large bottle of rubbing alcohol to pour stoically over his skinned back. Edgar's eye burst open, tears distorting his already handicapped vision; he howled. He howled so completely all the air left his body, and he still managed to carry the painful note.

Edgar couldn't even breath, for a long moment. He was positive his flesh was burning off like the bark of a dry tree, in a forest fire. Any high he might have been still sailing on was utterly destroyed, and he hyperventilated.

The room plummeted off a cliff into silence.

His small murmurs and gasps disrupted the silence only barely, so the scrape of Johnny's boots as he doubled back was deafening. Silence reigned in again and Edgar was reduced to pained gulps as his body continued to tighten up further, making the slightest contraction from his lungs searingly painful. He distantly heard Johnny make a throaty disconcerted sound. Then distinctly heard him run down his stair well, and for some reason it made Edgar want to smile.

* * *

A/N: I have to keep reminding myself this is a crack!fic. Ha, well I hope that was enjoyable. Let me know what you think.


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